This is a new one from your soon-to-be-if-not-already favorite blogger.
My post for today is on abusive relationships, I figured it’s long overdue and this is a special request post so, everything just sort of falls into place.
Abusive relationships. Hell, where do I even start?
What is abuse?
Abuse basically means anything that can hurt you physically (hitting, smacking, kicking, punching), emotionally(horrible words, maltreatment) and psychologically (constant degradation).
Abusive relationships are becoming more rampant as the day goes by. It’s like relationships don’t even mean anything to people anymore. Everybody just wants to be linked with someone, regardless of how much of a monster that person is and it’s just terrible.
By abusive relationships, I don’t mean one where guys beat their girlfriends or wives only, no. I also mean emotional, mental and psychological abuse because these are the core parts of humans that feelings revolve around.
A lady doesn’t have to come out with blisters and scars on her face, and a guy doesn’t have to come out with scratch marks and stains on his body before we know they’ve been abused, no. It goes deeper than that.
What is an abusive relationship?
An abusive relationship is one where you’re not happy at all in because it seems like your partner always wants to hurt you one way or another no matter what you do.
An abusive relationship is one where you live in constant fright because you can’t even tell what to expect next. You can’t tell if your partner is going to hit you, punish you, torture you or just say some damaging things to you.
These relationships are even more toxic when the person getting abused doesn’t realize that’s what’s going on until it’s too late to do anything about it as the damage has been done.
A follower of my blog and a good friend asked me to write a post on abusive relationships; concerning girls who get beat up by their boyfriends and why they should leave.
Now, listen to me for all you people out there in relationships where you get beat up constantly(this goes for other abuses also, remember this).. please, LEAVE.
LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP.
Your partner will never change. Once your partner raises his/her hand to hit you, please pack all your bags and baggage, your lugs and luggage and RUN out of that relationship like there’s no tomorrow(you might not even get to see tomorrow if you keep staying).
You might say I sound mean or I’m being insensitive or overly dramatic but trust me, I’m being damn straight with you.
How oh how can you physically assault someone you claim to love? Is that even sensible in anyway?
Once your partner starts hitting you, the abuse won’t stop. It may stretch for a while before you’re hit again but trust me, you will be hit again because your partner already knows that there’s absolutely nothing you will do about it. He/she already knows that you’re weak and willing and that your emotions overrule your judgement so what do they do?
They go on and on and on because they know that you might cry, shout, nag and all, but they also know that you’ll always be back. You’ll be back and the cycle will begin all over again.
Please, my dear readers, if any one of you are in a relationship where you get hit all the time like you’re a practice dummy for Royal Rumble, please, leave that person(I’m emphasizing on this because I mean it).
You’re worth so so much more than that, you don’t deserve to be tossed around like a ball. It’s not love; get that thought of your head, because anybody who truly loves you would never want to see you get hurt in any way talk more of being the one to physically assault you.
Save from the pain you feel and the damages that are done to your body, the amount of damages these toxic relationships do to you psychologically is alarming.
I know a lady that saw being beaten as a norm, she was so used to it, she saw it as the standards of a relationship because 2 of her ex-boyfriends used to hit her.
She eventually mustered up the courage to leave each of them when they almost beat her to oblivion, but the real problem arose when she finally met a man who turned her world around and practically worshipped her. She realized that couldn’t enjoy the relationship because she was always living in constant fear, she became a puppet. Always so submissive, eager to please… She became paranoid and her paranoia and anxiety eventually destroyed the relationship.
She always expected him to hit her with something or punch her or smack her and when he never did as time went on, her paranoia grew and grew until it threatened to swallow her. She said she started flinching at every little thing and was always so anxious, always anticipating that one hit.
She couldn’t make it work with someone that was ready to cherish her all because of the abusive relationships she faced in the hands of her exes.
It totally destroyed her self-esteem and shattered her self value and this isn’t even surprising.
Because, you get beaten when it is assumed that you messed up and when it gets too rampant, it’s assumed that you mess up rampantly to “warrant” the beatings. This messes with your mind such that you start doubting yourself and feeling you’re not good enough, you lose yourself and you don’t even have a life anymore because all your being is focused on how to please your partner and not “mess” up. The beatings basically scream how much of a mess up you are and that if you were better, you wouldn’t have to be beaten.
That’s a form of torture because you’re not a mess up but the actions and messages passed to your brain gets registered.
Also, this issue of beating is so shaming because of the lies. How long will you keep lying about the injuries? How long will you keep lying to everyone that you’re fine when you know parts of your body hurt so badly? How long will you you keep pretending to be happy in public when you know that you might get some beating when you get home for having some fun?
You deserve to be treated right.
It is emotionally tiring because when you get beaten by your partner, eventually, he/she would apologize and promise heaven and earth to change and to “never do it again”… up until the person does it again.
That is a lot of emotional stress, games are being played with your emotions. That person knows that he/she will hit you again. It doesn’t stop. Yet, promises keep being made.
These people know what they are doing, don’t be deceived or fooled, these people are very emotionally manipulative.
Walk out of that relationship today. You are strong enough to do that, remember you had a life before that person. This life goes on no matter what. You will be fine, time heals everything eventually and don’t be fooled by the “love” you feel you have for the person or the love you feel the person has for you.
Anyone that loves you will never want to bring you harm, he/she will never want to cause you pain or see scars on you body, talk more of inflicting the scars. He/she would never want to see you cry or make you regret being you. A person that loves you will never make you doubt/question yourself or feel like a loser.
You’re beautiful and you’re worth something. A person that will appreciate you for who you are is out there, waiting for you. It’s not bad to be single, really. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be genuinely happy. Take a time off to rediscover yourself and your self worth.
Take a time off to teach yourself that you deserve to be loved completely and are not settling for less from anybody. Relationships are not a must, don’t treat them like they’re compulsory. You don’t have to be with someone to value yourself or have fun.
It always helps if you have someone to talk to if you’re going through something like this, someone that can help you go through the healing process, it is not as easy as it sounds but you can do it. Just think about what you want for yourself in life, think about your future.
If you’re going through such and you need someone to talk to or some sort of advice or guidance, you can send me a mail at “firstname.lastname@example.org” and I’d get back to you as soon as I can.
Do help yourselves and help a friend.
Leave that relationship today and build a better future for yourself, you deserve to be treated like royalty by whom ever claims to love you.