Okay, so people think I have a problem.
But before I address that, let’s talk deadpan face. Keeping a deadpan expression is basically keeping your face expressionless, like poker-face.
People can get nothing from your face, they can’t tell if you’re happy, sad, surprised, aroused…you’re just absolutely blank.
Yeah, that is a deadpan expression.
You’d think a deadpan expression is not a problem huh? You’d think it’s alright and people will just understand that it’s JUST your face, huh? You’re wrong.
About that problem people think I have?
I have a deadpan expression(it’s called a ‘resting bitch face’ also). I mean, I laugh and smile with my fam and friends and some old strangers but like…am I supposed to be walking down the road with a smile? What am I? A butterfly? In this economy?
Hells no. Like it’s actually mad the number of time I’ve had to literally convince someone I’m not mean. Au contraire, I’m so adorable(someone is laughing right now, I swear).
So, I’m gonna be sharing a couple of stuffs I have brought upon myself for having my face, and I’m sure some other poker-faced folks would totally relate.
1. “I’M NOT MEAN”
Haha. This is something fierce.
The number of times I’ve had to tell someone I’m not mean is crazy. Like sometimes, I have to literally explain the whole point of my nice intention and the reason behind it just because of my moneymaker.
It’s especially crazier if you have annoying friends that insist you’re mean but low-key know better.
2. “I’M ALRIGHT, REALLY, STOP”
Having a deadpan face is also crazy because people sometimes assume that you’re sad or angry about something.
It gets a bit irritating when people keep asking and asking(x 5). They just keep “checking up on you” to “know if you’re okay” even if you’ve screamed till your voice is hoarse that you’re fine. KOO-RAY-ZEE.
I am alright, really, stop bugging my ass.
3. “YOU’RE SO HEARTLESS”
This is an all time classic. Just because I keep a straight face in most situations doesn’t mean that I don’t feel their effects or impacts. I am a human being too, young padawan
I just don’t get the whole “how not keep a blank face” stuff most times.
4. “I ACTUALLY FOUND IT FUNNY”
Okay sometimes, I hear something really funny and I snigger a bit. I mean, I can laugh. I laugh really loud and all sometimes, but that one time I choose to snigger, I get pounced on. Imagine that *scoffs*.
One time, I actually had to convince the poor guy that I found the joke super witty and funny.
5. “I DIDN’T FIND IT FUNNY”
Okay, this works like the previous one, but it’s reverse.
For people that know me personally, sometimes, I have to convince them that I actually didn’t find the said joke funny in any way and what’s worse? They don’t believe me sometimes.
They think I’m “just joking”.
6. “I’M NOT BEING SARCASTIC”
This has to be the highest rated comment ever but then, it also is kind of my fault. I’m pretty sarcastic therefore, most people find it really difficult to actually believe I’m being serious about most things I’m often serious about.
My face doesn’t exactly help my condition most times also, it’s a type of cruise.
6. “YOU LOOK LIKE A SNOB”
If I had a penny for every time someone said I looked “like a snob” or “look so unapproachable”, I might have owned a G-Wagon by now.
Like, it’s just my face. Again, I can’t be smiling for no reason and walking down the road or something.
Think about this people.
7. “I DON’T BITE, COME ON”
You’d think I’d say this to kids huh? Well, guess again. I actually like kids.
I say this to adults, youths, grooowwwn ass men! One guy actually said I look so bitchy, he thought I used to tote a gun at a point.
Like, nigga literally thought I walked around with a gun and get this, he was like 10 inches taller than I am. He said I had this “mean mom” thing going on for me pretty good.
8. “I THINK IT’S CUTE”
Did you know that if you call something, someone or a situation “cute” with an expressionless face, people tend to think you’re being condescending?
Well, now you know if you didnt.
I kind of enjoy when this happens though, haha. To see people writhe and try to figure out if you actually mean what you say or not is kind of fun to watch(okay, I might be a teenie bit mean, lol. But don’t blame me, little pleasures, duh).
9. “THAT’S SO NICE, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT”
My face doesn’t determine my personality even though it suits perfectly sometimes. Saying you don’t believe I did something super nice like rescuing a stray little kitten or stopping global warming because of my face is just what I’d love to call rada rada oshi.
Well, I’m not complaining about any of it though and no, I’m not gonna “change” or try to be “more approachable” by winning people over with “a warm, charming smile”. Hells no.
You want the smile, you earn the smile.
It was fun typing this post though.